One of the really significant things about me is that I'm very conscious of my age. I don't feel old, I don't act old, I don't really look old - but I guess I am. I've had very limited relationship experiences. I was married for many years when my wife died in bed next to me, totally unexpectedly. Luckily, I met a guy who has been a salvation in my life because being by myself would be deadly. We have a good life together - sort of closeted (in that we don't talk about our relationship), but to anyone who pays attention, we are a couple. We totally trust each other; don't always agree; never fight; back off from confrontations are not jealous or judgement. Our sex life is virtually non-existent. It's as though we've been married for so many years we've forgotten what it's like. That's not me - it's him. I would be happy (but probably exhaust) with sex every day. So, as I did with my pretty much non-sexual wife for many years, I take care of myself. Solo sex is a very big part of my life. I enjoy it a lot - that doesn't mean I prefer it. I'm pretty much a coward when it comes to trying to find a sexual outlet. I've only been in love twice in my life - once when I was 19 and after a few months was unceremoniously dumped - once a couple of years ago with a guy who wouldn't let it go far because he didn't want to chance breaking me and my partner up. Obviously, neither of those loves was my wife or my present partner. Odd, isn't it?
So anyway, that what makes me me. What am I looking for? Friendship, some intimacy, conversation, and maybe - who knows - something more.
I've been successful at what I wanted to do. I'm in Who's Who and I've had some national recognition in my field. I wrote a book (and revised it for a second edition) that has sold a few copies every year for the last 20 years. I'm financially comfortable in my retirement and have two very nice adult children. I have an 18 year old grandson who is wasting a lot of his potential and I can only hope he figures it out sometime. I'm doing OK - sometimes I feel just a tad guilty that I'm not doing anything particularly productive, but hey, I did that for a lot of years and now is time for something else.
As old as I am and having only been in love twice, I guess I want to really be in love. I want someone who is attentive, interesting, attractive, liberal in all his views, interested in conversation, intimacy. I don't know - for now, someone just to communicate with to reassure myself that I'm not really all that old and falling apart.
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