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Living in the Rio Grande Valley tends to get lonely for an old writer who's retired but not dead.

Good intro? I hope so, because I'm looking for a real, honest and intelligent lady who couldn't care less for young, hot, athletic guys who usually are full of bs anyway. Why else would they be on here? If you're looking for a stud in his own mind, look under the "phony teen" byline.

If you like a mature, caring, considerate guy to communicate with in some real depth, I'm down here, on the border.

If you enjoy a good, though sometimes strange, sense of humor, then I'm your funny old fart.

If you appreciate someone who will respect you with sincere, though sometimes outspoken, honesty, grab your saddle and mosey on down.

I don't like to say what these well-meaning folks ask: that is, brag on myself. At least, not on an open forum. When we talk, I'll slip in some brags, some name-dropping, whatever you like.

I will say that I'm a retired writer, formerly in advertising. I've lived around the US, in France and Central America. I've jet-setted, I've been down-and-out and I've been a good suburban family guy.

OK, I'll name one major accomplishment, probably THE major one. I have kept my sense of humor. I'm very pround of that.

I'm not looking for physical beauty; but if you are beautiful, I won't hold it against you. The beauty I want is inside, where it really counts. If you don't understand what I'm saying here, move on to the next guy. Age, weight, size of feet make no difference. You may be 20 or 80; but how maturely do you think? I'm looking for a woman with whom I can email sensitive, intelligent, humorous and affectionate conversations. Naw, you needn't be a high-IQ college professor, no way. Education alone doesn't make a person witty or smart. 8th-grade grads with experience are just as welcome as nuclear scientists. Maybe what I'm saying is that I want to get to know someone who understands as well as feels. Understand? Let's settle for some fun emailing for now. If more develops, I'm free for further research.