You can lift anyone's spirit with a single comment. Compliments are one of the most extraordinary components of social life. If given right, they create so much positive energy that they make things happen as if by magic.

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They ease the atmosphere around two people and kindly introduce people to each other. Of course, there is a way to give compliments. And, just as important, there is a way to receive them. You need to know how to do both.

Compliments come from taking notice of praiseworthy situations and efforts. So they are a mark of your awareness and consciousness. You need to cultivate your awareness of the good developments that are all around you.

Once you notice a praiseworthy situation, your awareness needs to be spoken. In other words, the compliment needs to be put forth into the world in spoken form.

People benefit from being the objects of compliments, but you also benefit being givers of them. Recipients benefit from knowing that you notice and learn that you value them. So compliments are powerful in motivating continued efforts. People strive to do more of what brings praise from others.

Focusing on and noticing the good qualities in the world around you give your mood a boost all by itself. Plus, it’s a kind of cognitive training – a training of attention.

In addition, compliments amplify positive feelings; they not only deliver positive effects to others, those effects bounce back on you, ramping up the positive atmosphere you breathe.

• Compliments are like little gifts of love. They are not asked for or demanded. They tell a person they are worthy of notice. They are powerful gifts, but compliments work only if they are sincere reflections of what you think and if they are given freely and not coerced.
• Compliments can backfire if they are not genuine. Faux flattery is usually highly transparent. A false compliment makes you untrustworthy; it raises suspicions about your motives, and that can undermine a whole relationship.
• Compliments increase positive energy. They are one of the finest tools for acquiring more social skills because the returns are great and immediate. Compliments become social lubricants, fostering the flow of conversation and advancing communication by enhancing receptivity.

Send a compliment now!

It's free and easy to do. Compliments can help break the ice and get you started down the road to love. TRUE gives you all kinds of ways to send compliments to your potential soul mate. Search and send a wink. Write an email. Make a date in the chat rooms. Take your pick! Send a compliment to that special someone now!

The art of the compliment is not only a powerful social skill; it’s one of the most fundamental. You don’t need to be an expert to do it well. You just need to be genuine.

The more specific, the better; for example, “The way you handled that question at the meeting was brilliant. You really refocused the discussion onto our plans.”

Compliments also work best when they are forthright and not incidental. So you need to clear a little space for a compliment and deliver the praise as a statement.

If compliments are a gift from the giver, than receiving them is an equal gift — it's a return gift to the giver. How a compliment is received can invalidate both the giver and the observation that inspired it.

Sadly, too many people discount compliments. Perhaps you’ve been in this situation:

Someone says, "Wow, you look great today."

And you say, "Oh, but I feel so fat today."

Or you get complimented on an outfit and you say, "Oh, this old thing, I've had it for years."

Or someone says, "Hey, you gave a really good presentation."

And you say, "Oh, I just slapped some stuff together in five minutes."

Such answers instantly suck the positive energy out of the air and deflate the giver. They make the giver feel stupid for noticing and commenting on something so unworthy of praise. They totally invalidate the person's judgment.

There is only one way to receive a compliment — graciously, with a smile.

The art of receiving a compliment teaches us an important lesson about life. It tells us that how we feel is highly subjective, known only to us. And it isn't necessarily observable to the world.

If we allow ourselves to inhale the positive atmosphere created by compliments, it can be powerful enough to transform our feelings.

What’s your style?

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