OK, ladies. You know some of you do it. You say things that are vague, and then you get upset when they’re misinterpreted.

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You may be sitting there, reading this article with a furrowed brow and challenging me to prove my point. “That can’t be!” you think, “I ALWAYS speak my mind! I am an independent, strong woman.”

At least, that was my reaction to a recent accusation that I was too vague. I mean, how in the world could someone accuse ME of not saying what I mean? If anything, I think I talk too much. In fact, the only detentions I ever served in school were for speaking out of turn. It was usually to the teachers, and typically involved some pointers on how they could be less boring.

ALGEBRA II TEACHER: (slamming a book on my desk) “Kate, WAKE UP AND PAY ATTENTION!” ME: (yawning and stretching) “Ya know, if your class were less boring, I think I might be able to do just that. Maybe you could try some vocal exercises to learn how to speak in more than one tone.”

My classmates erupted in laughter and my teacher turned an interesting shade somewhere between eggplant and tomato. Apparently, she wasn’t interested in my vocal coaching advice. Who knew?

Based on past experience, I’ve learned that the best thing to do when accused of a character flaw is to carefully observe yourself for about a week and see if there is indeed a problem. Well, it turned out I didn’t need a week. It took less than 12 hours to find out that the accusation was true.

Instance No. 1 — 11:23 a.m.

My boyfriend and I were running our Saturday errands and I saw a gas station a block ahead. Mmmm … soda.

I SAID: “Do you want to stop here so we can get a soda?” HE HEARD: “Are you thirsty?” I MEANT: “If you don't stop and get me something to drink right now, you can expect the silent treatment for at least 30 minutes.”

So as I started Minute 1 of the silent treatment, irritated that I didn’t have a 44-ounce frosty beverage, I replayed our conversation in my head. I realized I had only hinted that I wanted a drink

I SHOULD HAVE SAID: “Honey, I’m really thirsty. Will you please stop here so I can get a soda?” LESSON LEARNED: Remember to be clear when asking for something you want. The worst thing someone can say is "no".

Instance No. 2 – 3:45 p.m.

It was time for "linner" – that meal you eat between lunch and dinner time – and we were sitting in the restaurant talking about our evening plans. My boyfriend suggested that we make an appearance at a social function with some of his business partners. That meant I had to change out of my beloved Saturday tank top, jeans and pigtails combo and into something acceptable for schmoozing. Then I remembered that all three of those outfits were crumpled up somewhere between the bathtub and the toilet. I was actually going to have to do laundry. Plus, I'd have to shave and stand up straight. Then HE SAID: “What's wrong?”

You would think that someone who has been in theater since the age of six would have mastered the art of the game face in order to avoid ever hearing this question. You would also be wrong. I suck at it and always get busted.

I SAID: “Nothing.” HE HEARD: “Nothing.” I MEANT: “I hate going downtown on the weekends. I’ve lost my favorite tube of lipstick. I don’t have anything to wear and on top of it all, I’m PMSing. Besides, I thought we decided earlier we were staying in tonight.”

This may come as a shock to some of you, so brace yourselves. Most men actually KNOW that “nothing” never means “nothing.” It’s always “something.” Further, if you’re upset, why delay the inevitable?

After making him ask me what was wrong at least 11 more times (I wanted to make sure he really cared), I finally decided to tell him what I’d been worrying about. You know what he said?
“Not a problem. We can totally stay in tonight. It was just an option.”

So basically, I had freaked out for a good 20 minutes for no reason.

I SHOULD HAVE SAID: “I’d really rather not have to get dressed up tonight. Can we do something low-key instead?” LESSON LEARNED: You will save yourself and those you date from a lot of drama if you just say what you mean.

Instance No. 3 – 8:45 p.m.

We finally finished our errands and it was time to decide what to do with the rest of our night. When the clouds cut in front of the sun, turned black and exploded, we decided it would probably be best to stay dry and arrange a movie night.

We made it to the rental store and joined what seemed like the rest of the Dallas population to scour the aisles. Then I saw it. Oh, no! It was one of THOSE movies. You know … the ones you want to see with all of your heart, but you’re embarrassed to admit it? It was calling my name. I had to see it. He squeezed my hand and smiled. I hoped he hadn’t caught me looking at it. He said “What do you feel like watching?”

I SAID: “I dunno.” HE HEARD: “I dunno.” I MEANT: “I WANT TO WATCH “UPTOWN GIRLS!”

I couldn’t believe I was even interested in that movie. But something beyond my control kept drawing me back. I tried browsing through the Sundance Section where the cool indie kids were … but it was no use. So I bit the bullet and suggested that we rent “Uptown Girls.”

“Seriously?!” he asked, “Let’s get it! It looks cute!”

Wow. Who knew?! You say what you mean and you get what you want. Excellent.

I feel I learned a valuable lesson during this observation period. No matter how badly I want to believe that people will understand my messages through body language and telekinesis, I know now that they won’t. I also know that “Uptown Girls” is a really good movie.

What’s your style?

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