Your soul mate is the one that complements your personality. Soul mates point out your flaws but at the same time encourage the positive aspects of your personality, like one metal sharpening another.  How do you find this person?  It starts with knowing about your own sense of worth.

Someone is waiting for you. Search now>>

Love yourself

Let’s begin by examining the idea of self-esteem.

When people talk about self-esteem, they’re usually talking about people’s general views of themselves.

However, our recent research suggests that self-esteem has two main components.

One aspect is the degree to which people like themselves. People with high levels of this traditional definition of self-esteem strongly agree with statements like, “I feel great about who I am,” “I am comfortable with myself” and “I take a positive view of myself.”

The other aspect is the extent to which people think that they are competent or capable.

This idea of personal competence is different from the attitudes people have about themselves because it reflects the extent to which people think that they are able to succeed in life.

People with high personal competence strongly agree with statements like, “I am very talented,” “I am good at many different things” and “I am highly effective at the things that I do.”

This two-component view of self-esteem is important because it suggests that people might like themselves, but do not believe they are very good at different things.

And on the other hand, people might think they are very capable and successful, but do not really like themselves.

These findings allow greater precision for measuring and improving self-esteem.

For example, if we only knew that a person had low self-esteem, we might encourage them to work on aspects of themselves that don’t need improvement. Instead, we can now point out more precisely which aspects of themselves they should work on and which aspects are in good shape.

A sense of worth

• On average, men score higher on self-esteem tests than women
• Self-esteem fluctuates over the lifespan. Young children have high self-esteem, but this decreases sharply until the late teens and early 20s. It then increases gradually throughout life until the 60s, then decreases sharply.
• Self-esteem affects how people behave and interact with others. For example, in relationships, if your self-esteem is affected by depression, it can be contagious. Some research suggests that when people are depressed, their romantic partners tend to become depressed too.
• People with high self-esteem tend to be extraverted (personable, lively and social), conscientious (hardworking, detail-oriented and organized) and emotionally stable (calm, relaxed and not worriers).
• People with high self-esteem tend to attribute their success to their own abilities and their failures to other people or the situation. In contrast, people with low self-esteem attribute success to other people or the situation, and attribute their failures to their lack of ability.

Show your true self

Some scholars argue that everyone wants high self-esteem and accordingly, everyone wants to be with people who see them positively. Others say not everyone wants high self-esteem. Instead, people want opinions that fits with their perception of themselves.

So, people with lower self-esteem levels generally prefer interacting with people who look down on them. People with low self-esteem often see themselves as unattractive and unworthy, and therefore want to be with people who reinforce this view.

People with high self-esteem generally interact with people who look up to them because this fits with their self-view.

There’s probably a bit of truth to both theories.

In romantic relationships, people want their partners to think well of them, yet this desire declines as the relationship evolves.

People want their partners to be wowed by them very early in their relationships, but as the honeymoon phase ends, they want their partners to see them truthfully.

The bottom line: Most people want their partners to understand and see them as they are, not as perfect people on pedestals.

This becomes complex, however, because people in long-term relationships want their partners to recognize their flaws while still giving them positive feedback.

Therefore, those with high self-esteem and personal competence usually do not put up fronts. Instead, they represent themselves honestly and accurately. This is especially important in the context of relationships because honestly portraying yourself verbally – and even online – will attract someone who’s truly interested in you.

Habits of attractive soul mates

Unfortunately, it’s not as easy as it might appear. There are several self-help books that claim to raise your self-esteem in a few days by getting you to recite daily affirmations such as, “I am a good person” or “I am a person of worth.”

But, there's no scientific evidence that these approaches work. Improving your self-esteem can take time – sometimes even years.

However, there are some things you can do today to help promote higher levels of self-esteem and attract your soul mate – whether you are starting with low or high self-esteem.

• Get in the habit of forming realistic expectations of yourself based on your current abilities. People with low self-esteem tend to have very high expectations that they will never be able to meet. You must have realistic goals and be patient.
• Surround yourself with support from positive thinkers and people with realistic perspectives. Often, the people with whom we associate can keep us from raising our self-esteem. If you see yourself negatively, it’s likely that your friends see you us in a similar light. Therefore, these people may actually keep you from raising your self-esteem. If your attempts to raise self-esteem are not met with supportive feedback from those around you, it can cause you to feel worse about yourself.

Learn more now

Take our free TRUE Compatibility Test (TCT) to learn more about yourself and your ideal partner. You’ll receive a free 30-page personality report that explains how your traits, attitudes and abilities influence your connections with others. For more expert tips on building a great relationship click here.