Karin Bruckner is an author, instructor, researcher and licensed psychotherapist with an expertise in such key areas as family and marital conflict, divorce and blended family issues, adolescent issues, anger management and women's issues.

If you're like many single parents, the idea of starting to date again brings up a lot of emotions, many of them contradictory.

There's the anticipation and excitement of getting back into circulation once again, the zing that happens when you meet someone you're attracted to who — miracle of miracles — seems to be attracted to you! And then there's the nervousness that comes along with contemplating such adventures, the "I'm too old, it's been too long, this is too uncomfortable" jitters that accompany re-entry into the dating world.

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Combined with the chronic shortage of time, money and energy that often go along with single-parenthood, it's no wonder single moms and dads can get stuck before they even get started on the road to romance.

• Remember, go easy on yourself. Your date is probably just as nervous as you are.
• Research shows that both men and women chose fear of rejection as the number one fear in relationships. So you're not alone.
• Don't jump to conclusions about what someone may or may not feel about you on the first date. Because each of you are bringing into the situation/date some "family" and history of significant relationships, give that person the benefit of the doubt. They deserve it. Don't you?

Well, we at TRUE want to help you navigate the speed bumps and potholes you may find along your journey. Today's story is one of many more to come dedicated to asking the questions and nailing down the answers that single parents need to know.

We'll use this space to take a look at some of the common obstacles to re-creating a rewarding love life and the solutions that can take you around, over or through them all. We'll draw on scientific research and clinical expertise, and because we're all about making connections between people, contributions from our single-parent members — that's you! — will be a regular feature. Your insights, suggestions and success stories are welcome, as well as your questions and concerns.

As a licensed therapist and a single parent myself, I know how complex these issues can be. You won't find any over-simplification here. To the contrary — I believe it's the ability to face the complexities of real life head-on that enables change and growth. And it's hard to find anything more complex than trying to flirt on the phone with your newest crush while cooking dinner and making sure the kids don't tune in to MTV's latest too-hot-to-handle music video. Well, okay, maybe some of the more advanced mathematical formulas in nuclear physics are a bit more complicated, but you know what I mean.

So let's get started!What's on your list of hot-button single- parent dating challenges?Are you filled with anxiety at the idea of trying to find a romantic partner? Stymied by the old pain and bitterness from your last relationship? Too dissatisfied with yourself to think you could be attractive to someone else? Email us about your romance roadblocks, and you could see your comments in a future story.

In the meantime, we'll turn to the experts to see what information they have come up with lately to help us make informed choices about how to relate on a date. Here's an interesting tidbit I stumbled across in an unpublished dissertation from Boston College:

Researchers surveyed college-aged participants to find out their needs, fears, and communication inhibitions in romantic relationships. They found that both men and women chose fear of rejection as the number one fear in relationships. Not too surprising, but important to remember, all the same. Then participants were asked how they thought the opposite sex would respond to the survey questions. Here's where it gets interesting. Women, take note: the findings reveal that we tend to overestimate men's fear of intimacy and fear of being controlled by a partner. And guys, check it out: the men in this study said their fear of being judged as unmanly was the biggest inhibitor of communication.But at the same time, women reported feeling a greater lack of interest on the part of their partners than men did. In other words, a man acting manly can be seen by his female love interest as not interested in love!

Now, this study was done using youthful heterosexual volunteers.Do the same results hold true for older adults who have been around the block once or twice? Would people with different sexual preferences respond the same way? Science hasn't answered these questions yet, so we have to be careful to not over-generalize the results.

That said, let's consider how this information can help make a date — or even a conversation between two interested parties — flow more smoothly. Hopefully, it makes a difference to realize that your anxiety over whether or not you are attractive to a dating partner is chewing up his or her insides as much as it is yours. See, you have something in common already! The take-away here is that, sure, you're going to sweat buckets the first five or ten minutes into your date. But rest assured that when your voice gets squeaky and your face gets red, your new friend hardly notices because he or she is too busy trying to keep their hands from shaking.

Now let's look at the findings on the kinds of erroneous assumptions men and women can make about each other. It seems women can jump to conclusions about a man's unwillingness to get close, and that's according to the men themselves. So maybe we could benefit from rethinking what we've come to believe about males' fear of intimacy. Does that tardy phone call or totally silent car ride mean the man we are with doesn't care? Maybe he's just a shy guy, or he could be still working on that fear-of-rejection stuff.

And guys, it's time to give some serious consideration to updating the masculine stereotype you operate from. Playing the strong, silent type could be sending all the wrong messages to the woman you want to impress. When you stick with your "manly" conversational style (read: brief, way too brief), your date may very well might start to feel that you could care less if she's there with you or not.

Bottom line here: first of all, chances are you're no more nervous than your date is.And secondly, it's important to stop second-guessing what he or she is thinking of you. Instead, work on developing a level of trust that will enable you to ask for this information directly and that way you'll both have a true idea of how well things are going.

If you've got a tale to tell about a time when you either sent or received the wrong message, Email us. And then check back — you could find your story featured in an upcoming story.

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