You can use the phone whenever you want. You finally control the TV remote. And you're not picking wet towels off the bathroom floor every morning. And you really miss it.

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You're not alone. With the fall semester underway, parents of college freshmen across the country are dealing with their sons and daughters leaving home for the first time.

While some parents who have been through the experience say that it was traumatic, it doesn't have to be, says Mark Thompson, director of Colgate University's Counseling & Psychological Services. "There are healthy ways for today's parents to stay connected with their kids, and maintain their distance — and sanity — at the same time," he says.

Thompson — himself the proud father of a college undergraduate — offers up the following advice for parents coping with separation anxiety:

• Be realistic about frequency of contact. It may have been the norm for you and your child to talk constantly during high school, but all bets are off once that first semester begins. Answer e-mails and phone messages promptly, but don't push it; a constant stream of encouraging communiqués, though well-meaning, can sometimes actually hinder a student's personal development. "Ask yourself what your child ultimately wants to be. Independent? Self-reliant? Self-sufficient? Will calling her ten times a day help her become that?"

• Remember that the road will be bumpy. Many students go through bouts of homesickness after moments of distress, so keep in mind that you might only hear from your son or daughter when things aren't going well. "Your gut will probably tell you to try and save him somehow, but you need to encourage him to solve his problems by himself. Real growth happens at these moments, though they may be heart-wrenching for you as a parent," says Thompson.

• Educate yourself about your child's experience. When you're feeling particularly lonely for your son or daughter, take a minute and visit the school's newspaper online, says Thompson. You'll feel better knowing what's happening on campus, and you'll have fodder for future conversations with your college student.

• Do something productive. "For parents who are really struggling with the absence of a child, work at turning your negative energy into something positive," Thompson suggests. "Put together a care package or write a thoughtful letter. Your son or daughter will be happy with the gift, and you'll feel like a million bucks for doing something nice for your child."

• Negotiate school breaks well ahead of time. It always pays to have something to look forward to, says Thompson, and knowing when a son or daughter will return for vacation and how long they'll be home — particularly for children of divorced parents — is no exception. "Work out a schedule with them beforehand, and actually mark off the days on the calendar," he says. "It will help the days pass faster."
  

How have you made the empty nest a little less lonely? Email us with your story!

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