Karin Bruckner is a single-parent expert, author, instructor, researcher and licensed psychotherapist with an expertise in such key areas as family and marital conflict, divorce and blended family issues, adolescent issues, anger management and women's issues.

Dear Karin,
I recently divorced my second husband (not my son’s father) and have started to date again. My 8-year-old took this divorce hard. Is any time the right time to introduce him to one of my dates? How would I do that?

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Yes, there are some clear guidelines to follow when introducing your children to your new romantic interest. It’s a good idea to wait until you feel fairly certain your dating partner will be a consistent and regular part of your life. Think of your son’s disappointment should he form a friendship with this new man – as you hope he will – only to experience yet another loss if the two of you discover your initial fizz has gone flat.

When you introduce your children to your date, keep it casual and low-key no matter how swept away you feel in this new romance. Kids have all kinds of illusions about adult life, especially love relationships. This is one area where we serve them well by tempering their fantasies and keeping expectations on the low side in the beginning. For an 8-year-old, explaining that your date is a friend, someone who will be fun to include in your family activities, should work fine.

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Finally, since your son has experienced some painful partings in the recent past, don’t be surprised if your carefully planned overture is met with a decidedly chilly response. You might even prepare your date for a subdued welcome from your youngster, so it isn’t misinterpreted as disrespect or hostility. Understand that any unfriendly gestures on your son’s part are just his way of protecting himself from further hurt. As the need for this defense diminishes, so will his aloofness.

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