When you’ve been on a cruise, stepping back onto dry land is disorienting. You’re off-balance, your legs buckle and your head feels as if it’s still at sea.

Online dating can feel a little like that. Daters sometimes feel a freedom online to discuss their lives at a level of intimacy that they would never have reached so early in a relationship in the offline world.

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According to TRUE's Department of Psychology, there is scientific evidence that the disembodied anonymity that characterizes the Internet can act as a foundation for building trust and establishing real-world relationships, rather than the construction of fantasy selves. In this sense, anonymity gives people the freedom to be open with others in a way that fosters intimacy faster than it is developed in offline interactions.

However, online daters also know that anonymity can be a mask for online predators. This is likely the reason, as reported in a study published by the North American Journal of Psychology, why online daters reported only a 50 percent probability of a satisfactory experience from an offline meeting with a person ranked “perfectly compatible.”

These findings suggest that online relationships foster genuine intimacy between online daters, but that online daters also temper this enthusiasm with stark realism. This paradox can be quite disorienting for some people.

Meeting in-person

When it comes to making the transition from online to face-to-face, getting your back your land legs needn’t be that difficult. Here are some tips to remember:

1. Relax, relax, relax: Try yoga breathing just before you get together. Plan a form of instant mental relaxation that you can do while you’re on the date. Think ahead – what image reminds you of a relaxing moment? Then if you feel yourself tensing during the date, recall that image and the calming emotions around it.
   
2. Guard your emotional safety: At first meeting, daters hope to form a relationship that might blossom into an ideal, monogamous, loving partnership. The fundamental issue in emotional safety for both daters is protection from getting hurt.
   
   
   • Reveal relevant information about yourself.
   • Use discretion when sharing stories about yourself.
   • Avoid stories about past relationships if they are likely to cause painful emotions to resurface or induce discomfort in your date.
     
     
3. How you feel depends on what you wear. Wear something comfortable that also makes you feel good about yourself.
   
4. Create realistic expectations. You'll feel mentally and emotionally more comfortable if you put aside unrealistic expectations.
   
5. Stem the tide of impulsive thoughts or deeds. It is important to stop to think before you act on your feelings during a date.
   
6. Establish rules of conversation and an emotionally safe environment. When you can create an environment where honest feelings are not only welcomed but encouraged, you are providing the groundwork for lasting emotional intimacy.
   
7. Create an environment for healthy communication to flourish.
   
   
   • Be a good listener.
   • State what you need.
   • Refrain from "colorful" language or profanity.
   • Avoid interrupting.
     
     
8. Keep the first meeting short, even if you’re having a great time. It’s better to take a half-hour of initial impressions, then walk away, pause and reflect, then to do a marathon three-hour visit and overload your brain. The best way to do this: Make an unbreakable plan on the end of your first date so that you are forced to separate, e.g., “I’m sorry, I have to go meet with my boss now,” is something you wouldn’t dare put off and it won’t offend your date.

Physical Safety

By following sound guidelines and judgment, you can make any dating experience safer. All methods of meeting people pose an element of risk that can be reduced by using common sense. The following safety checklist was developed for TRUE members by TRUE's Member Safety team.

• You should stay anonymous and protect your identify until you get a comfortable feeling about the other person, until you really get to know them online. When you feel like you're ready to meet in person, then — and only then —- should you reveal your identity.

  "Identity" means first name and last name and some other identifying information — perhaps a cell phone number — but nothing too identifying. NEVER reveal your Social Security number or any financial information. At this point in your relationship, don't give out your address or place of employment. That information should not be revealed until you're ready to take the relationship a little further still.

• Use TRUE anonymous email first to establish contact and receive a reply.
  
• Use TRUE chat rooms for a first virtual meeting. Get a good feeling about your prospective date before meeting in person.
  
• Make sure you’ve seen the person's picture. This serves as a means of identification. If the picture does not reflect the person's real appearance, email TRUE Security or TRUE Customer Care.
  
• Avoid suggestive language and jokes.
  
• Make your first meeting at a well-lit public place, like a coffee shop.
  
• If, for any reason, you feel uncomfortable or anxious, discontinue the contact and ask an employee to walk you to your car.
  
• When going out on a date always tell someone else the following and arrange to call that person when you get home.
  
  
  1. Your date’s name
  2. Your date’s phone number
  3. Your cell phone number
  4. Where you are meeting your date
  5. Your estimated time of return
     
     
• Always carry a cell phone, coins for a pay phone and taxi money — just in case.

Read more about safer dating.

TRUE's Member Safety team is dedicated to maintaining an ethical environment for serious singles to meet. Please notify TRUE Security or contact TRUE Customer Care if you suspect that a member is not complying with the member code of ethics or if you have other security concerns or questions.